Changing the Atmosphere of My Home

It is funny how verses you've read in the Bible over and over and over again one day just click in your brain like never before. I've recently had this happen with a handful of some old favorites of mine. God just decided to help my brain, soul, and heart make the connections with these verses and show me how, if I became of doer of these words, I could drastically change the atmosphere of my home.

I have 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 taped up in my bathroom: "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." If I decide to do this, my house will be filled with the sound of praise to God, every situation that arises will be taken immediately to God in prayer and will be greeted with thanksgiving and peace rather than doom and gloom.

Colossians 3:23 is a very well know Bible verse that states a common Christian ideal: "Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men." When I put this verse into practice in my day-to-day life, I let go of mediocrity and a poor attitude in the chores and tasks I have to do. I do each and every task to the absolute best of my ability, with a great attitude, because every task is an offering to God. Every chore is a sacrifice that I offer up to God.

When I do laundry three times a day, I come face to face with Philippians 2:3-4 which is taped up above my washing machine: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." It's a wonder to me that these words are just now beginning to take root in my heart. The atmosphere in my home is probably most greatly affected by my pride and self-centeredness. They lead to every harsh word, every frustrated sigh, and every complaint that comes out of my mouth. Imagine the difference in the home's atmosphere when mommy doesn't spend her time trying to earn a reward or break with her work, when she looks at the needs of her husband and children as more important than her own, when she lets go of her own personal interests for the sake of fulfilling those of her family.

3 constantly re-read verses out of my Bible:

1. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
2. Colossians 3:23
3. Philippians 2:3-4

7 radical changes in my life:

1. Fill my home with the sound of praise to God.
2. Pray immediately about every situation as it arises or as it pops into my head.
3. Thank God in every circumstance rather than complain or fret.
4. Do each mundane task to the best of my ability as if it were a sacrifice I was offering up to God.
5. Stop using my hard work at home as a manipulative tool to get "rest" or "time alone" or some other thing I'm desiring.
6. Look at my husband and children as being more important than myself.
7. Make my husband's and children's interests a priority, even at the expense of my own interests.

1 home full of peace and joy and love.

Lessons Learned at HC09

We packed up the kids and headed south a week ago for my husband's annual family homecoming in south Georgia. The trip was a long one for us (14+ hrs, one way) and the camping (not my favorite passtime) was, well, chilly and often sleepless. But the trip, as a whole, was a good one and well worth our time. The kids had a great time camping and getting to meet extended, extended family; and I know J enjoyed catching up with his relations and connecting with those southern roots of his. And even my little introverted, high-strung self left Georgia having gained some important insight. You can learn a lot at a famiy gathering.

I learned that there are two major factors that are keeping us from even wanting to ever move south again: 1) gnats and 2) heat. Sorry, Georgia, we love you and your peaches, but it is just not right to have to go around with a black cloud around you like Pigpen, and there is something fundamentally wrong with sweating outside in the middle of an October day. However, in spite of these irritants, you just couldn't beat the life-giving quality of the smiles both young and old -- I learned that a good smile will warm the heart.

I learned on this trip how to stay warm in the tent at night -- two pairs of socks, cozy pants, a long-sleeved tee under a thick hooded sweatshirt (with the hood up) in a warm sleeping bag on your own cot. I also learned that, when forced to freeze your back and hang half-off your cot and pillow all night because your three year old insists on sleeping with you and no one else, great comfort can be found in looking at his little, peaceful, moonlit face nuzzled up against you through those sleepless hours.

I learned that there is no story like an old story. They create a sense of unity and acceptance.

These were the easy lessons. I also learned that prejudices are most often rooted in insecurities. It is easy to look at those who are different from us, those we fear might even be better than us in some way, as wierd or wrong or crazy. I also learned that alcohol can truly be destructive both in the midst of the fun carousing and the morning after. And I learned that being vulnerable with people can sometimes come back around to bite you in the rear end, but that is not necessarily any reason to put up protective walls.

I learned that walking away to calm down when you are angry doesn't always pan out, so you should always have a plan B.

I learned some valuable lessons as a wife and mother through my own personal experiences and by observing and talking with others. I learned that the grass is greener on my side of the fence. There are a lot of reasons to be grateful for the husband I have, and I'm a fool when I don't acknowledge those things to him or myself. And I learned that every sibling bickers, it is a common and expected occurance that few people even look ascance at and most often brings about humerous memories for people. It even carries into adulthood. But sibling rivalry becomes dangerous when unforgiveness and hatred begin to fester.

I learned that, as a mother, it is imperitive to be at peace with your season in life. When you have small children, raise them, and don't let yourself feel guilty for not contributing more to the events and functions at which you gather. You will give when the kids are grown. Most people understand this and expect nothing more from you, and those who think you are lazy are probably not worth worrying about anyway. I also learned that the best way to train children is with stern, short reprimands followed immediately with a confirmation of your love and acceptance of the child who was reprimanded.

But the most important lesson I learned had to do with my relationship with a dependence on God. I've had conversations with my own mother before about the importance of spending time reading and meditating on Scripture and talking and listening to God daily. Without God we can do nothing (Jn. 15:5) and our strength, as Christians, comes exclusively from Him (2 Cor. 12:9-10). It is easy to go to Him to fill up and be strengthened when Bible reading and prayer fits nicely into a routine day, but one must put forth the effort to fit it into those out-of-the-ordinary days that so often throw us off-track. Time with God needs to be prioritized every day because we are to be ready in season and out of season for anything and everything that might come our way (2 Tim. 4:2). It often happens that, just when you least expect it, just when you think you are okay putting God off until tomorrow, something happens that requires all your strength and fortitude, and you find yourself empty and unable to cope as God would have you to. I learned to make time to be filled and refreshed and built up by God *every* day.

Sharing

I don't normally post links to what I share over in the "realmomma's shared items" box to the left, but I don't want anyone to miss these great, inspiring, encouraging posts.

Anne at Holy Experience has two great posts up.

• One links to Veritas Press' new, downloadable Reading Journal. Even if you don't want to go to the trouble of printing it out, you could follow the simple format in a store-bought journal or notebook.
• The other post is all about making your home a house of prayer or "SHELTER". Great, great, great stuff!

The other great post is up at Sally Clarkson's I Take Joy. I've mentioned before how Sally can bring the Holy Spirit's conviction on me like no one else. She does it again, talking about our words. This is a must-read for every wife and/or mother.

Getting My Thoughts in Order. . . Or. . . Listing on My Blog

1. God.

• Slowly reading through Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson. I recently told my mom that I bought SC's The Ministry of Motherhood several years ago, but put it on the bookshelf because I couldn't take the guilt. I wasn't ready for it. I picked up Season's of a Mother's Heart at the library and, still feeling some guilt, am now ready to learn and grow and stretch and all that other fun stuff.
• Made a list of books to read on "Spiritual Formation". Looking forward to delving into some of those as $$ allows (most are *not* at the library).

2. Me.

• Working through an incredibly extensive list of books to read. They cover the gammit of literary themes and genres. Right now I'm reading Anne Morrow Lindbergh's Bring Me a Unicorn -- a collection of her letters and diary entries. I love reading things like that. They intrigue and inspire.
• Consequently, I am thinking of investing in a very nice journal and doing some night-time journaling *on*paper* while J monopolizes the laptop. I used to journal like crazy in the middle school through college years. Have all those boxed up in the garage along with my raggedy baby blanket that I finally broke with when G was born.
• Would love, love, love to get a sewing project or two done, create an white picket-fenced heirloom country vegetable garden in the backyard, can all my home-grown goodies, decorate my house with all my hand-made decor, make each and every food item that graces the table from scratch, and write a few prize-winning books. . . but I've been brought back to a good reality reading this post.

3. Marriage

• Well, it is no secret to those that know both J and I that we are both opposite in everything except our strong wills. That makes for some hairy situations. I'm working on submission.
• This is pretty broad and general. Specifically I am working on breaking down my defenses and receiving criticism and correction with a more humble, teachable attitude.
• I'm also committing myself to putting into practice that proverb: "A soft answer turns away wrath."

4. Parenting

• We begin homeschooling on Monday, and I'm looking forward to it. Truly. It looks to be a fun year full of all kinds of good stuff. We'll be learning to read, discovering the history of our country, exploring great art and doing some ourselves, and dabbling in the world of science. But mostly we'll be reading lots and lots and lots of really good books. Because, isn't that really the best foundation for learning?
• And, as that will all require much of my time, I will be learning to put down the computer or book or whatever else has my attention and give my time to my children rather than to myself. I'll still have "quiet time" and bed time though.
• As a family we will be memorizing Romans 12, learning about unity, reading these Bible readings daily. . . And I'll be working through this book with Teeny, and J. will be working through this book with G.
• We also have a good Christmas plan or two cooking in our brains, but I'll save that for another post.

5. Homemaking.

• I semi-finished Getting It Together by the Sidetracked Home Executives. Good stuff. I now have a daily, weekly, and monthly plan/guide; and I've found that cleaning thrice daily takes less time and energy than cleaning once daily. Whoopie!
• And I now hope to get back to reading and applying Edith Schaeffer's What Is a Family?.

BTW: I'm missing a ream of paper. If you've been over lately and have seen one laying in a place you thought seemed strange, that is probably it. Please let me know. The poor paper is dying to be drawn on by broken crayons wrapped in soft, dimpled fingers.

Honoring My Husband ~ Or ~ Not Married to Cliff Huxtable

I grew up watching the Cosby Show. It was and remains to be one of my favorite shows. Back when we had cable in this house, I was known to stop on Nick and make my kids watch old re-runs of the show with me. Unfortunately, Bill Cosby's character on the Cosby Show was always portrayed as being sort of. . . well. . . not totally respected in the home. Cliff Huxtable was the butt of laughs and rolling eyes. Even as a child I knew that was just not the way it was supposed to be.

Though I fail, repeatedly, I know that my first responsibility in my home is to honor my husband. Though it is hard for me to admit it at times, J is full of wisdom and great ideas; and, quite frankly, the only time it is hard for me to admit that and honor him is when I am feeling the full force of conviction from something that he has said.

The first step in honoring your husband is to commit yourself to submitting to his authority. I've said before that I am *terrible* at submitting. I'm just not good at it at all. It is a constant struggle for me to get past my independent, strong-willed personality and not argue back. Oh, I'll obey, alright; but I'm sure gonna let him know what I really think of his ideas and their impact on my comfort and plans. This isn't submitting, though. This is like when I tell the kids to clean their rooms, and they whine and complain and drag their feet the whole time. It drives me nuts, and makes me feel anything but honored and respected. True honoring submission is listening with eager, teachable ears and then obeying or backing up your husband with true conviction that God will honor your submission.

The second step is to listen. I have, in the past month, begun writing down J's suggestions. I have a little notebook full of lists (I'm a compulsive lister): lists that I've gotten out of books or off web-sites, lists of homeschooling and homemaking goals. . . But the first list in my notebook is a list of suggestions that J has made to me. I try to go through my various lists, beginning with J's suggestions, and work one item off each list into my week. You see, I've come to realize that my husband really does know what he's talking about most of the time. He is on my team, and he makes valid suggestions that he believes will really benefit me and the family.

The last step is to allow the Holy Spirit to use your husband to guide and teach you. This is unbelievably hard to do sometimes. As a wife, you naturally see all your husband's weaknesses and shortcomings. There is a bit of a temptation to roll your eyes and think, "Who does he think he is? I know what he said this morning when he slammed his finger in the door. . . or the last time he didn't pick up his Bible. . . or (gasp) what I caught him looking at on the computer last weekend. . ." But God can and will still use your imperfect husband to lead you closer to Him and grow you in your faith and walk with Christ.

As a practical example. . . This evening, in the middle of a little spat, J told me, in what I felt was a rather rude and somewhat loud voice, that I should stop trying to figure ways out of my exhaustion and begin finding joy in it. He said that I wanted to be a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom of four kids; and that that was an exhausting job. He said that I should, ideally, be finding joy in the exhaustion I feel at the end of a long day; but, instead, I am trying to figure out how to eliminate the unavoidable exhaustion and becoming irritated and snippy when I can't.

Now, I know my husband, and I know that he gets irritable and snippy too. My initial thought was, "Why should I listen to this?!" But, you know what? That suggestion is going on my list tonight because he is right. God does not want me to be focusing my attention on eliminating or alleviating my exhaustion. He wants me to find joy in the exhaustion that comes from the blessing of getting to stay home and raise four beautiful children. When I learn to find joy in this calling, I will set a tone of peace, contentment, and love in our home. So, I will submit to my husband (and, consequently, to God) and surrender to the weariness. I will find joy in my circumstances instead of trying to change them.

I'm not Claire Huxtable; though I often treat my husband with much less respect and honor than I should. I know I ought to listen to his suggestions and submit as the Holy Spirit uses him in my life. And I make it my daily, and even hourly, goal to listen, submit, and be led by my husband.

Unconditional Love in Marriage ~ Philippians 1

I, like many other women, often get so caught up in my responsibilities as a mother and homemaker, that I neglect my duties as a wife. While my children should be of great importance to me, the fact of the matter is that, after God, my husband is to be my top priority. Unfortunately, sometimes, because I get so focused on my children, he becomes nothing more than an irritation and another responsibility. This is horribly wrong and unhealthy. I am to focus on my love for husband, not ignore it and become irritated by him.

Philippians 1 has absolutely nothing to do with marriage. In verses 1-11, however, Paul is talking to the Philippians about his love for them and how it affects his thoughts, prayers. . . he also addresses their love and how it ought to affect their decisions and actions. With these verses, I compiled a list of six questions to ask myself on a regular basis to keep myself in check as I seek to show unconditional love to my husband.

1. Do I thank God every time I think of my husband? (vs. 3)
2. Do I constantly pray for my husband. . . with joy? (vs. 4)
3. Do I get irritated with his shortcomings? Or do I choose to love him unconditionally, knowing that God will change and grow my husband over time? (vs. 6)
4. Do I long for my husband? (vs. 8)
5. Does my love for my husband overflow to the point of bearing on all my decisions? (vs. 9)
6. Do I speak affectionately to my husband? (vs. 12)

New Logos Video

A Little Bit about Logos

This is specifically for friends and family, though I encourage anyone who stumbles upon this blog to go ahead and read and watch.

As you know, J is currently the Director of Advancement at Logos Academy in York, PA. Logos is an inner-city, private school that provides a classical, Christ-centered education for grades K-8. The thing that makes Logos special, I think, is that they aim to bring in economically disadvantaged students from the heart of the city -- children that otherwise would not receive such a high-quality Christian education in a safe and loving atmosphere -- at a reduced tuition. This is a school that is ministering to children in the city of York in a very special way -- a way that no other school in our area is doing. Consequently, the more economically advantaged students benefit by being pulled out of a social bubble and taught to relate with children from very different economic, cultural, and social backgrounds. It is a unique concept that one does not often see but that is so valuable to those children in need of a good education and personal growth.

Logos currently meets in two different churches in the city of York, but they are working on a capital campaign to finance the construction of their own school building. This is an exciting time at the school. I have personally witnessed the love and excitement that these children and their families have for the school and the idea of having their own building in the future. It is a wonderful thing.

Please take a few minutes to check out the attatched YouTube videos, and be sure to check out Logos' websites. If you are interested in finding out more about the school, don't hesitate to contact them, J in particular.

Logos Academy

and

Logos Website Homepage

Caps, Gowns, and horribly hot astro-turf. . .

. . .that's what graduations are made of.

He has a Masters!!! Yaaaaayyyyy!!!!! What a long couple years it has been, but the reward is definitely worth it.

From birthdayngraduation

From birthdayngraduation

From birthdayngraduation

Congratulations, J! We love you and are very proud of you! Now let's relax for a while.

I AM, I CAN, I OUGHT, I WILL ~ My Marriage

I AM --
Married to J. Created to be his helpmeet and partner. Under the authority of my husband. The mother of our children and the keeper of our home.

I CAN --
Show J. physical affection every day. Dress to please him.

I OUGHT --
To stop everything I'm doing and listen to J. when he talks to me. To *willingly* submit to his authority with the *right* attitude. To make our sexual relationship more of a priority, and to take joy in it. To view my keeping of our children and our home as one of my greatest responsibilities and treat it as such.

I WILL --

1. Kiss J. goodbye, hello, and goodnight every day. Initiate sex throughout the week and enjoy it too.
2. Dress nicely every day for J., asking his opinion about clothing and wearing what he would prefer.
3. Stop everything I am doing and listen to J. when he talks to me.
4. Work on changing my will to meet J's will so that I can submit with joy, much like I work to change my will to meet God's will that I can submit with joy.
5. Dedicate myself to the keeping of our children and our home, giving it more priority when it comes to my time and energy.

Resources:

• It's So You! Fitting Fashion to Your Life by Mary Sheehan Warren

Thus Began Lent

Today the older two kids spent some time thinking about what sin they wanted to focus on this Lent. They both chose disobedience, and little Bud-Jack said, "Mm-mm my momma." Which I believe meant that was what he wants to work on too :)

Of course J and I should be picking out a sin to confront over the next 40 days, and our marriage discipleship which began last night is leaving us no real choice but to deal with some anger and communication issues. Our meeting with our new mentors last night went very well, in spite of my reservations. They were both extremely encouraging and said some of the nicest things about J and I and our marriage -- they definitely gave us much more credit then I tend to give us. They have us reading through a book called Uprooting Anger. I'll jot down my thoughts on the book later. At any rate, I really enjoyed taking a trip down memory lane as we both rehashed our "life stories" and talked at length about the history of our marriage. It was interesting to see just how different we are, how differently we grew up, and how different we are from both sets of parents -- and how these differences affect our marriage and family. I'm excited about it all, really.

We get homework assignments, just like in our church small group and men's and women's discipleship. This week we are to begin the book, read Ephesians twice (this lines up with group discipleship), go over with our children how God helps us handle temptation, and do three nice things for eachother that we don't normally do. I think we are also supposed to be doing some journaling of various things like what nice things we end up doing for eachother.

Which reminds me. . . I have the kids keeping track of their Lenten journey on a chart. I was thinking I should start a journal to keep track of mine -- that would put me at four journals (five if you count the blog). So maybe I'll combine the Lent and marriage journals since they seem pretty interconnected anyway. I ramble.

Housekeeping vs. Homemaking

Note to self:

Don't get so caught up housekeeping that you neglect the more important job of homemaking.