Changing the Atmosphere of My Home

It is funny how verses you've read in the Bible over and over and over again one day just click in your brain like never before. I've recently had this happen with a handful of some old favorites of mine. God just decided to help my brain, soul, and heart make the connections with these verses and show me how, if I became of doer of these words, I could drastically change the atmosphere of my home.

I have 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 taped up in my bathroom: "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." If I decide to do this, my house will be filled with the sound of praise to God, every situation that arises will be taken immediately to God in prayer and will be greeted with thanksgiving and peace rather than doom and gloom.

Colossians 3:23 is a very well know Bible verse that states a common Christian ideal: "Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men." When I put this verse into practice in my day-to-day life, I let go of mediocrity and a poor attitude in the chores and tasks I have to do. I do each and every task to the absolute best of my ability, with a great attitude, because every task is an offering to God. Every chore is a sacrifice that I offer up to God.

When I do laundry three times a day, I come face to face with Philippians 2:3-4 which is taped up above my washing machine: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." It's a wonder to me that these words are just now beginning to take root in my heart. The atmosphere in my home is probably most greatly affected by my pride and self-centeredness. They lead to every harsh word, every frustrated sigh, and every complaint that comes out of my mouth. Imagine the difference in the home's atmosphere when mommy doesn't spend her time trying to earn a reward or break with her work, when she looks at the needs of her husband and children as more important than her own, when she lets go of her own personal interests for the sake of fulfilling those of her family.

3 constantly re-read verses out of my Bible:

1. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
2. Colossians 3:23
3. Philippians 2:3-4

7 radical changes in my life:

1. Fill my home with the sound of praise to God.
2. Pray immediately about every situation as it arises or as it pops into my head.
3. Thank God in every circumstance rather than complain or fret.
4. Do each mundane task to the best of my ability as if it were a sacrifice I was offering up to God.
5. Stop using my hard work at home as a manipulative tool to get "rest" or "time alone" or some other thing I'm desiring.
6. Look at my husband and children as being more important than myself.
7. Make my husband's and children's interests a priority, even at the expense of my own interests.

1 home full of peace and joy and love.

What Are We Doing?

Last week was a trying time for my husband and I. A long and enjoyable weekend with extended family was quickly ruined when one of my exhausted children acted out in anger at both her brother and her grandmother. When my husband and I finally arrived on the scene, some hurtful, spiteful things were said to me about my children, my family and my parenting. I walked away, but the trip did not end without my anger showing through. We got home, calmed down, rested. . . and I appologized for my anger only to learn that others had *serious* problems with me, my children, how I parent, and how I run my home. This sent me into virtual hiding for a little over a week, led to some boundary setting, and set my mind thinking, "What am I doing wrong? How bad am I that someone would say and think these things? What do I need to do differently?"

And then I picked up Sally Clarkson's Season's of a Mother's Heart. I wish I knew that lady personally. She inspires and encourages and convicts every time.

When I read the chapter title, "Freedom from Guilt," I was looking forward to receiving help in dealing with the guilt I was feeling over my poor parenting and house keeping. What I got was even better.

Sally wasn't talking about freedom from the conviction of the Holy Spirit over things we, as mothers, are actually doing wrong. She was talking about freedom from the guilt brought about by other people's standards, judgements, comments, criticisms, ideas, methods, books, tapes, teachings. . .

All week I had been beating myself up, pounding my head, wracking my brain trying to figure out how to correct all these wrongs that these particular people found in my parenting and housekeeping. *All*week*! And it was a waste of time. For all the problems that they were able to point out to me were merely man-made standards and opinions. Not one thing was an actual sin or step out of line with the Word of God.

As moms, wives, homemakers, women. . . there is only one infallible source of information, one perfect how-to book on our jobs -- The Bible. We need only read that, pray for guidance, be open to the leading and direction of the Holy Spirit, and step out in faith to what we think God would have us do in every situation. Advice, self-help books, and seminars are all good and wonderful in their place, but they are not the the Inspired Word of God or, necessarily, the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

When we allow the opinions and judgements and criticisms and advice of others send us into an emotional whirlwind of self-critique, we essentially push God off the throne of our lives and put some imperfect human up in His place. Is this really what we think is best? Is this really what we want to set up as a standard for how we run our homes -- human imperfection? Not me, I want to follow God, not a relative or author or good friend. And it is deplorable when we try to set our standard up to others as the mark of perfection that they should try to reach. We can share how we do things, but we must realize that we were never appointed to be God to anyone.

I encourage you to read these Scriptures, referenced in Sally's book, and ask yourself some serious questions:

Galatians 5:13-26

• How are you treating the other moms in your life? Are you serving and encouraging them; or are you biting, devouring, and consuming them?
• Does the Bible contain all you need to be a godly wife, mother, and homemaker?
• Are you proud of your ability to raise well-behaved children, maintain a loving marriage, or keep a clean and organized house?
• Do you feel that you are in competition with other women?
• Or do you feel jealous or envious of any particular mom or wife or homemaker?

Colossians 2:16-23

• Do you feel you are not measuring up to someone's standards of good wife, good mother, or good homemaker? Is someone else condemning you or sending you into a self-condemnation spree?
• How much stock are you placing in "human commands and teachings"? Is your faith in man becoming greater than your faith in God's Word and the Holy Spirit's guidance?

Romans 14:13-23

• Do you see your judgement of other women as stumbling blocks in their lives? How can your criticisms and judgements cause other women to stumble in their faith or hinder their relationship with God?
• Before you offer advice, do you think about how necessary that advice is? Do you weigh the pros and cons of offering the advice? Do you see how there could, in fact, be cons to offering corrective criticism or opinions sometimes?
• Is your judgement of other women, perhaps, based on your own self-doubts?
• Do you feel that you are under condemnation or that you are condemning others?

Romans 8:1-4

• What does God have to say to you about any and all condemnation that you are under, whether warranted or not, whether self-induced or brought by the judgements of others?

Lessons Learned at HC09

We packed up the kids and headed south a week ago for my husband's annual family homecoming in south Georgia. The trip was a long one for us (14+ hrs, one way) and the camping (not my favorite passtime) was, well, chilly and often sleepless. But the trip, as a whole, was a good one and well worth our time. The kids had a great time camping and getting to meet extended, extended family; and I know J enjoyed catching up with his relations and connecting with those southern roots of his. And even my little introverted, high-strung self left Georgia having gained some important insight. You can learn a lot at a famiy gathering.

I learned that there are two major factors that are keeping us from even wanting to ever move south again: 1) gnats and 2) heat. Sorry, Georgia, we love you and your peaches, but it is just not right to have to go around with a black cloud around you like Pigpen, and there is something fundamentally wrong with sweating outside in the middle of an October day. However, in spite of these irritants, you just couldn't beat the life-giving quality of the smiles both young and old -- I learned that a good smile will warm the heart.

I learned on this trip how to stay warm in the tent at night -- two pairs of socks, cozy pants, a long-sleeved tee under a thick hooded sweatshirt (with the hood up) in a warm sleeping bag on your own cot. I also learned that, when forced to freeze your back and hang half-off your cot and pillow all night because your three year old insists on sleeping with you and no one else, great comfort can be found in looking at his little, peaceful, moonlit face nuzzled up against you through those sleepless hours.

I learned that there is no story like an old story. They create a sense of unity and acceptance.

These were the easy lessons. I also learned that prejudices are most often rooted in insecurities. It is easy to look at those who are different from us, those we fear might even be better than us in some way, as wierd or wrong or crazy. I also learned that alcohol can truly be destructive both in the midst of the fun carousing and the morning after. And I learned that being vulnerable with people can sometimes come back around to bite you in the rear end, but that is not necessarily any reason to put up protective walls.

I learned that walking away to calm down when you are angry doesn't always pan out, so you should always have a plan B.

I learned some valuable lessons as a wife and mother through my own personal experiences and by observing and talking with others. I learned that the grass is greener on my side of the fence. There are a lot of reasons to be grateful for the husband I have, and I'm a fool when I don't acknowledge those things to him or myself. And I learned that every sibling bickers, it is a common and expected occurance that few people even look ascance at and most often brings about humerous memories for people. It even carries into adulthood. But sibling rivalry becomes dangerous when unforgiveness and hatred begin to fester.

I learned that, as a mother, it is imperitive to be at peace with your season in life. When you have small children, raise them, and don't let yourself feel guilty for not contributing more to the events and functions at which you gather. You will give when the kids are grown. Most people understand this and expect nothing more from you, and those who think you are lazy are probably not worth worrying about anyway. I also learned that the best way to train children is with stern, short reprimands followed immediately with a confirmation of your love and acceptance of the child who was reprimanded.

But the most important lesson I learned had to do with my relationship with a dependence on God. I've had conversations with my own mother before about the importance of spending time reading and meditating on Scripture and talking and listening to God daily. Without God we can do nothing (Jn. 15:5) and our strength, as Christians, comes exclusively from Him (2 Cor. 12:9-10). It is easy to go to Him to fill up and be strengthened when Bible reading and prayer fits nicely into a routine day, but one must put forth the effort to fit it into those out-of-the-ordinary days that so often throw us off-track. Time with God needs to be prioritized every day because we are to be ready in season and out of season for anything and everything that might come our way (2 Tim. 4:2). It often happens that, just when you least expect it, just when you think you are okay putting God off until tomorrow, something happens that requires all your strength and fortitude, and you find yourself empty and unable to cope as God would have you to. I learned to make time to be filled and refreshed and built up by God *every* day.

Sharing

I don't normally post links to what I share over in the "realmomma's shared items" box to the left, but I don't want anyone to miss these great, inspiring, encouraging posts.

Anne at Holy Experience has two great posts up.

• One links to Veritas Press' new, downloadable Reading Journal. Even if you don't want to go to the trouble of printing it out, you could follow the simple format in a store-bought journal or notebook.
• The other post is all about making your home a house of prayer or "SHELTER". Great, great, great stuff!

The other great post is up at Sally Clarkson's I Take Joy. I've mentioned before how Sally can bring the Holy Spirit's conviction on me like no one else. She does it again, talking about our words. This is a must-read for every wife and/or mother.

Getting My Thoughts in Order. . . Or. . . Listing on My Blog

1. God.

• Slowly reading through Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson. I recently told my mom that I bought SC's The Ministry of Motherhood several years ago, but put it on the bookshelf because I couldn't take the guilt. I wasn't ready for it. I picked up Season's of a Mother's Heart at the library and, still feeling some guilt, am now ready to learn and grow and stretch and all that other fun stuff.
• Made a list of books to read on "Spiritual Formation". Looking forward to delving into some of those as $$ allows (most are *not* at the library).

2. Me.

• Working through an incredibly extensive list of books to read. They cover the gammit of literary themes and genres. Right now I'm reading Anne Morrow Lindbergh's Bring Me a Unicorn -- a collection of her letters and diary entries. I love reading things like that. They intrigue and inspire.
• Consequently, I am thinking of investing in a very nice journal and doing some night-time journaling *on*paper* while J monopolizes the laptop. I used to journal like crazy in the middle school through college years. Have all those boxed up in the garage along with my raggedy baby blanket that I finally broke with when G was born.
• Would love, love, love to get a sewing project or two done, create an white picket-fenced heirloom country vegetable garden in the backyard, can all my home-grown goodies, decorate my house with all my hand-made decor, make each and every food item that graces the table from scratch, and write a few prize-winning books. . . but I've been brought back to a good reality reading this post.

3. Marriage

• Well, it is no secret to those that know both J and I that we are both opposite in everything except our strong wills. That makes for some hairy situations. I'm working on submission.
• This is pretty broad and general. Specifically I am working on breaking down my defenses and receiving criticism and correction with a more humble, teachable attitude.
• I'm also committing myself to putting into practice that proverb: "A soft answer turns away wrath."

4. Parenting

• We begin homeschooling on Monday, and I'm looking forward to it. Truly. It looks to be a fun year full of all kinds of good stuff. We'll be learning to read, discovering the history of our country, exploring great art and doing some ourselves, and dabbling in the world of science. But mostly we'll be reading lots and lots and lots of really good books. Because, isn't that really the best foundation for learning?
• And, as that will all require much of my time, I will be learning to put down the computer or book or whatever else has my attention and give my time to my children rather than to myself. I'll still have "quiet time" and bed time though.
• As a family we will be memorizing Romans 12, learning about unity, reading these Bible readings daily. . . And I'll be working through this book with Teeny, and J. will be working through this book with G.
• We also have a good Christmas plan or two cooking in our brains, but I'll save that for another post.

5. Homemaking.

• I semi-finished Getting It Together by the Sidetracked Home Executives. Good stuff. I now have a daily, weekly, and monthly plan/guide; and I've found that cleaning thrice daily takes less time and energy than cleaning once daily. Whoopie!
• And I now hope to get back to reading and applying Edith Schaeffer's What Is a Family?.

BTW: I'm missing a ream of paper. If you've been over lately and have seen one laying in a place you thought seemed strange, that is probably it. Please let me know. The poor paper is dying to be drawn on by broken crayons wrapped in soft, dimpled fingers.

Reclaiming Joy

A while back I posted on facebook that I had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. I listed my circumstances and then went about my day. . . like a person who woke up on the wrong side of the bed would.

Not long after, I read a blog post about making your situation right so that you will be more pleasant to be around. Then, I recently began reading Seasons of a Mother's Heart in which Sally Clarkson does what she does best -- encourages mothers to live a life of joy, peace, and love. One of her first "assignments" for readers is to list the things that are keeping you from experiencing joy, and work on fixing those situations so that you can live in joy as a mother.

I looked back at the circumstances I listed that morning: I had gone to bed too late the night before and woken up too early that morning, the house was a mess, the kids were ravenous and I didn't have anything to feed them that was not going to take considerable time to prepare, I had already had a little spat with J, and I just wanted to get a way for a minute to collect myself a bit.

That list of unfortunate circumstances pretty much sums up the five things that most often keep me from experiencing joy as a mother:

1. Lack of sleep leading to weariness and sometimes exhaustion.
2. Lack of cleanliness and organization in the house.
3. Lack of a well-thought-out menu and stock of food in the house.
4. Lack of peace in my marriage as evidenced by a tendency to argue.
5. Lack of quiet-time to prepare myself or calm myself down in the midst of the stress.

And all five of these things are pretty easy to remedy:

1. Get into bed by 11:00pm, Sunday through Thursday.
2. Find a system, any system, that works to get and keep the house clean and organized. For me, the Sidetracked Home Executives' (fore-runners of the Flylady) material has worked literal wonders.
3. Make a meal plan and stock the kitchen with groceries that will keep the kids well-fed and me sane (still working on this one -- I've got four really good eaters).
4. Commit to not arguing. Just don't do it -- with J, the kids, or anyone else.
5. Guard a daily quiet time, and take the time to get alone for just five minutes when things get really hairy.

So, I've committed myself to slowly making these five remedies to "wrong-side-of-the-beditis" into habits. I'm reclaiming joy -- the joy that should come with the blessings of loving a husband, raising wonderful children, and keeping a cozy home.

Contemplating. . .

What's your pet?

Lenten Realities and Revelations

Every Lent I'm reminded of my own limitations, of my imperfections, of my inability to measure up and my utter need for the grace of God. I'm a weak woman, I am. I am not so disciplined as I'd like to be. I fall through on my commitments, I shout at my kids, I get angry at my husband, and I find a million things to do rather than cleaning the bathrooms.

But, I'm saved by grace through faith. And while even my faith is sometimes faulty, God's grace is always perfect. It is all I need. And so these forty days of coming face to face, once again, with my weaknesses and sin just serve to make the awesomeness of Christ's sacrifice for me that much more meaningful. What would I do had He not come and died on the cross? How would I ever make it if He had not shed His blood to cover my many sins?

I wouldn't. I couldn't

Praise the Lord for His incredible love that He demonstrated on that cross so many years ago. Without it I would be utterly lost and without a hope in the world.

I AM, I CAN, I OUGHT, I WILL. . . My Faith

This simple sentence was coined by education specialist Charlotte Mason in the 19th century. It is at the core of the Charlotte Mason method of education; a phrase that every child being taught by this method memorizes and uses as a tool for living a disciplined life. I recently witnessed someone use this sentence to help them sort through their own thoughts and make some personal decisions and commitments, and I thought I'd try to use it in my own life as I try to organize my thoughts and figure out priorities. Below is what I came up with regarding my faith and relationship with God.

I AM ~
A child of God, saved by grace through the blood of Christ, and filled with the Spirit of God. Created in the image of God, by the hand of God, to be used as an instrument of God for His will.

I CAN ~
Talk to God throughout the day, in the midst of all my comings, goings, and doings. Give myself as God as a living sacrifice, doing *everything* for Him rather than for men. Listen to praise and worship music during those most difficult times of the day (ie. dinner prep time).

I OUGHT ~
To set aside some time each day to read my Bible and pray. To be actively involved in a community of believers.

I WILL ~

1. Pray my way through each day. Talking to God when I wake, as I feed kids and change diapers, as I cook and clean. . .
2. Do *everything* to the glory of God.
3. Have a quiet time with God every afternoon -- reading my Bible and praying.
4. Play praise and worship music while I prepare dinner in the late afternoon/evening.
5. Go to smallgroup and be as involved as I possibly can, being sure to stay in contact with people throughout the week.

Resources:

• My The Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible.
• A journal.
• The Power of a Praying® Wife and The Power of a Praying Parent.
• My Passion and Andrew Peterson Pandora Radio Stations.

Upcoming Lent and a Few Personal Goals

Lent begins tomorrow, and I've still not completely nailed down how I want it to play out for our family. . . and for me personally. I've sort of committed myself to attempting a slight meat and sugar fast. . . to feed the family more simply for the next 40 or so days. I'm also planning a sort of grid/calendar/chart for each of the three older kids on which they can keep track of days till Easter as well as give themselves stars for good deeds and also focus on a different character trait or Christian discipline each week. But that is about as deep as my plans have gone so far, and I am looking for divine inspiration at this point. Maybe that is the best way to do it, anyway. Especially since we plan to be out of town on a relaxing vacation during Holy Week. Maybe this Lent I will intentionally do a planning fast.

However, I do have some personal goals for March.

1. I'm always re-visiting this particular goal. . . To drink 64+oz. of water a day. When I do it, I feel so much more energized and happy and patient even. When I don't, I'm tired, grumpy and irritable.
2. To completely carve out a stress-free 1 1/2 - 2 hr. quiet time at least every weekday. This time is to be dedicated to reading my Bible, journaling (paper and pen), praying and then reading a book till I fall into a sleep-like stupor. NO COMPUTER! I already do this, to an extent, when the kids are doing their quiet times/naps; but I need to work on just relaxing during this time. . . nothing else.
3. I've been working through A Mother's Rule of Life. . . s - l - o - w - l - y. I'm pretty good with my first P -- Prayer. I'm struggling with my second P -- Person. I think I will probably need a good month to get in the habit of taking better care of myself. So I will be breaking this into mini-goals. Week 1: Begin getting into bed by 11:00pm every weekday night. Week 2: Every morning, after breakfast, get dressed, wash and moisturize face, brush hair and teeth, and put on deoderant. Week 3: Every evening, shower, comb hair, and moisturize. Brush and floss teeth every night before bed. Week 4: Exercise with Teeny (Teeny really likes exercising -- she did not get that from me.) every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday when J gets home. Also: Take every Saturday morning off (so long as family and J's schedule allows) to pamper self, go shopping *alone*, lay in bed and read or nap.

Again, I'm horrible at taking care of myself. I have a really hard time letting go of motherly responsibilities for *any* length of time. This will be a struggle for me, but a struggle I believe the whole family will benefit from.

Now to go begin our Mardi-Gras celebrations. . . and make up some Lent charts.

From My Devotion Journal

I'll preface this for all my protestant family and friends. It is no secret that I have a great respect and admiration for those of the Catholic faith. I see so much discipline and consistency and dedication in the Catholic mothers that I come across via the internet. It is some of these findings that long ago led me to begin reading, to my children and during my personal quiet time, the Daily Mass Readings of the Catholic Church. . . even those from the Apocrypha. And on that note I would like to refer anyone who questions the reading of the Apocrypha to what The Renovare Spiritual Formation Bible has to say about their inclusion of these books. I'll have to give you the run down of that later. But for now. . .

I need to pray -- with faith -- all the faith that I can muster. I need to pray for God's work in my marriage (Mark 9:28-29). I need to pray for wisdom in raising my kids (Sirach 1:8-10). Why do I look to my own strength and wisdom or to the strength and wisdom of others when it is God alone who is all-powerful and all-wise (Psalm 93:1-2, 5)?

Do I Have What It Takes?

"Who can find a virtuous woman?
for her price [is] far above rubies."

I was studying Proverbs 31:10 here, and was a little surprised when I read the actual Hebrew meaning of the word "virtuous".

• strength, power, might (especially warlike), valour. . . to shew oneself strong, to display valour
• forces, a host. . . leader of the army
• ability. . .
• virtue, uprightness, integrity, also fitness. . . men of capacity. . . a virtuous woman. . . an honest or upright man
• the strength of a tree, spoken poetically of its fruits

I never realized that the word virtuous involved strength. . . maybe moral strength. . . but I believe this goes beyond moral strength. This, to me, means fortitude of the spirit -- the ability to push through circumstances in such a way that you prove yourself capable of running a household and leading a group of children. These meanings have me asking myself a few questions.

First, am I a strong leader to my children as I train and prepare them for spiritual battle? How do I strengthen my authority and keep myself strong?

Second, are there areas where my moral integrity could be in question? Are there things that I do, regularly, that cost me my children's respect? Things that make me unfit for my job?

Third, what does it mean, to me, to be a strong, fruitful tree; and how do I become a strong, fruitful tree?

I have to admit, that, lately, I feel that I have completely lost my children's respect. Somehow, I seem to have lost the position of authority and leadership in this home. I could give all the excuses in the world, the biggest being the extreme exhaustion of dealing with a nursing, teething infant. . . but the fact remains that I have been lazy in my dealings with my children. Instead of putting forth the physical and emotional effort to discipline bad behavior and attitudes, I resort to my mouth -- which does more harm than good, thus losing my children's respect and "fear".

How do I get back this lost authority? I'm not 100% sure; but, since we are talking about strength here, it seems I need to do some repetitive strengthening exercises. In other words, just like I would consistently and repetitively exercise my muscles to build physical strength, I must consistently and repetitively exercise my authority to build strength in my role as leader. This means that, instead of running my mouth when the children misbehave, I must grit my teeth and act, again and again and again until I have built my authoritative strength and the children begin to fall in line. And, then, I have to keep up the exercises to maintain strength and avoid atrophy.

You see, I think my fruit, as a mother, is not just bearing children but raising them for battle. No strong tree produces shriveled, rotten fruit. I must produce healthy, vibrant, luscious fruit. In order to do this, I must make myself strong. I cannot lead my children, I cannot grow strong children, unless I am strong myself.

One of Those Days

It all started when we came into the kitchen for breakfast. We had. . . nothing. . . to eat. So, being the "realmomma" that I am I threw up my hands and surrendered to *ice cream*. Which would have been wonderful, had someone (Bud-Jack) not gotten in the fridge yesterday and messed around with the thermostats, turning down the fridge to the "softened butter" setting and the freezer to "hard as rock ice cream" setting. After fighting it out with the tub of ice (cream), we sat down to our breakfast and family worship time.

My morning prayer time was repeatedly interrupted by various child needs, but I flowed with that. Bud-Jack woke M&M up from multiple naps while I was busy cleaning and doing school with G. I breathed my way through those figuring it was all going to work itself out in the end. But, having little M&M up and fussy at all the wrong times got in the way of a few items on my agenda.

I baked two loaves of honey-wheat bread -- with an accidental overdose of yeast, and two loaves of French bread that turned out just plain funny looking. My afternoon quiet time was non-existent. While attempting to play cards with G and Teeny while holding a crying baby, Bud-Jack pulled all the DVDs off the shelves, put them in a basket, brought them to the kitchen, spilled milk on them and then slipped repeatedly on the wet floor. After changing the poopy diaper I discovered after about the fifth fall, I shooed them all outside, but not before wrestling with the dishwasher and consequently shattering the coffee/tea pot. Yippee.

I did get the kids out and the baby down and *finally* had a moment to talk to God. "Lord, something is wrong. I don't know what, but I feel out of sync. Please, get me on track; give me direction." Which led me to the 21lb. smoked pork shoulder that needed to be divied up, bagged, and stored. 15 meals that baby will provide! At least!

But, at the end of it all, we had dinner as a family, went to our "small-town" library together, came home, . . . the kids went down all at the same time in spite of their collaborative mission to keep me from putting the baby down for the night. . . and I got to spend time with my husband. Right now he's off buying me some root beer. When he comes home, we'll settle down to read or watch a movie.

sigh.

With Love

"Let all that you do be done with love."
~1 Corinthians 16:14

M&M was awake while I did my Bible meditation time the other day. I decided to hold and cuddle her while I read my Bible out loud. The verse I landed on to ponder was 1 Corinthians 16:14, and it was made all the more meaningful thanks to the little cuddly bundle of pink I had curled up on my lap. She gazed happily into my eyes and smiled widely as I read aloud, "Let all that you do be done with love." Yes, everything I do in this home should exhude love. Everything from wiping dirty bottoms, to cleaning dirty dishes, to making bread, to waking up in the middle of the night to feed babies or reblanket cold daughters or help out wet sons or listen to recountings of scary dreams. It's hard to do these things that cost me the most energy, peace, and health with love; but that is what I'm called to do. My children should not see me make exasperated faces or hear me let out heavy sighs as I do the dreaded tasks. Rather they should know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I actually want to do the dirty work *because*I*love*them*.

A Season of Exhaustion

Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light.

At that time Jesus went on the sabbath day through the corn; and his disciples were an hungred, and began to pluck the ears of corn, and to eat.
But when the Pharisees saw [it], they said unto him, Behold, thy disciples do that which is not lawful to do upon the sabbath day.
But he said unto them, Have ye not read what David did, when he was an hungred, and they that were with him;
How he entered into the house of God, and did eat the shewbread, which was not lawful for him to eat, neither for them which were with him, but only for the priests?
Or have ye not read in the law, how that on the sabbath days the priests in the temple profane the sabbath, and are blameless?
But I say unto you, That in this place is [one] greater than the temple.
But if ye had known what [this] meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice, ye would not have condemned the guiltless.
For the Son of man is Lord even of the sabbath day.
And when he was departed thence, he went into their synagogue:
And, behold, there was a man which had [his] hand withered.
And they asked him, saying, Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath days? that they might accuse him.
And he said unto them, What man shall there be among you, that shall have one sheep, and if it fall into a pit on the sabbath day, will he not lay hold on it, and lift [it] out?
How much then is a man better than a sheep? Wherefore it is lawful to do well on the sabbath days.

~Matthew 11:28-12:12

I went to bed Saturday night utterly exhausted. After a week of cleaning, cooking, playing, training, and waking up with children throughout the night, my body felt it could not go on. That night I awoke once to a five year old who had "peed out of his pull-up" and needed a new pull-up as well as a new sheet and blanket. My three month old also woke me several times to chat over warm milk. I woke up Sunday morning. . . utterly exhausted.

The text for the message at church was Matthew 11:28-12:12; the topic -- how time can keep us from spiritual growth. It was just what I needed. The pastor pointed out that the importance of the Sabbath lies not so much in worship as it does in rest, and added that God's command to us to rest and take sabbaths is much like a parents command to a child to take a needed nap or go to bed at an earlier hour -- for the child's own good. He referred to Exodus 31:14 "Ye shall keep the sabbath therefore; for it [is] holy unto you: every one that defileth it shall surely be put to death: for whosoever doeth [any] work therein, that soul shall be cut off from among his people." as an example of how important a Sabbath is to God. It dawned on me that the failure to rest can physically tax your body and endanger your health; it can also ruin your relationships with, not just God, but family and friends as well.

The pastor closed on the idea that we need to examine our own lives and see if our lack of sabbaths is the result of a season of life or a lifestyle choice. We also need to ask oursleves "why"? "Why am I so busy?" "Why must my house be in perfect order?" "Why do I feel the need to constantly be busy?" I often feel the need to meet up to some outside, invisible expectation that others *might* have of me. However, in my life, I am in a "Season of Exhaustion", and this gave me little consolation when I got home and still had two meals to prepare and clean up, children to care for, and a husband to bond with.

I went to bed last night. . . utterly exhausted. I am in no hurry to end this season of my life. In fact, I struggle with the idea that, though it is so exhausting to be raising little ones, I still would like one or two more. However, sometimes the exhaustion gets to me and I end a tiring day in tears. It was one of those nights last night when I opened up my Bible for my bedtime meditation. I'm reading slowly through 1 Corinthians. Here is the first and only verse I read last night: "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord. " (1 Corinthians 15:58) It was just what I needed. I meditated on it all night as I woke up for midnight chats over warm milk with my nursing baby.