What Are We Doing?

Last week was a trying time for my husband and I. A long and enjoyable weekend with extended family was quickly ruined when one of my exhausted children acted out in anger at both her brother and her grandmother. When my husband and I finally arrived on the scene, some hurtful, spiteful things were said to me about my children, my family and my parenting. I walked away, but the trip did not end without my anger showing through. We got home, calmed down, rested. . . and I appologized for my anger only to learn that others had *serious* problems with me, my children, how I parent, and how I run my home. This sent me into virtual hiding for a little over a week, led to some boundary setting, and set my mind thinking, "What am I doing wrong? How bad am I that someone would say and think these things? What do I need to do differently?"

And then I picked up Sally Clarkson's Season's of a Mother's Heart. I wish I knew that lady personally. She inspires and encourages and convicts every time.

When I read the chapter title, "Freedom from Guilt," I was looking forward to receiving help in dealing with the guilt I was feeling over my poor parenting and house keeping. What I got was even better.

Sally wasn't talking about freedom from the conviction of the Holy Spirit over things we, as mothers, are actually doing wrong. She was talking about freedom from the guilt brought about by other people's standards, judgements, comments, criticisms, ideas, methods, books, tapes, teachings. . .

All week I had been beating myself up, pounding my head, wracking my brain trying to figure out how to correct all these wrongs that these particular people found in my parenting and housekeeping. *All*week*! And it was a waste of time. For all the problems that they were able to point out to me were merely man-made standards and opinions. Not one thing was an actual sin or step out of line with the Word of God.

As moms, wives, homemakers, women. . . there is only one infallible source of information, one perfect how-to book on our jobs -- The Bible. We need only read that, pray for guidance, be open to the leading and direction of the Holy Spirit, and step out in faith to what we think God would have us do in every situation. Advice, self-help books, and seminars are all good and wonderful in their place, but they are not the the Inspired Word of God or, necessarily, the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

When we allow the opinions and judgements and criticisms and advice of others send us into an emotional whirlwind of self-critique, we essentially push God off the throne of our lives and put some imperfect human up in His place. Is this really what we think is best? Is this really what we want to set up as a standard for how we run our homes -- human imperfection? Not me, I want to follow God, not a relative or author or good friend. And it is deplorable when we try to set our standard up to others as the mark of perfection that they should try to reach. We can share how we do things, but we must realize that we were never appointed to be God to anyone.

I encourage you to read these Scriptures, referenced in Sally's book, and ask yourself some serious questions:

Galatians 5:13-26

• How are you treating the other moms in your life? Are you serving and encouraging them; or are you biting, devouring, and consuming them?
• Does the Bible contain all you need to be a godly wife, mother, and homemaker?
• Are you proud of your ability to raise well-behaved children, maintain a loving marriage, or keep a clean and organized house?
• Do you feel that you are in competition with other women?
• Or do you feel jealous or envious of any particular mom or wife or homemaker?

Colossians 2:16-23

• Do you feel you are not measuring up to someone's standards of good wife, good mother, or good homemaker? Is someone else condemning you or sending you into a self-condemnation spree?
• How much stock are you placing in "human commands and teachings"? Is your faith in man becoming greater than your faith in God's Word and the Holy Spirit's guidance?

Romans 14:13-23

• Do you see your judgement of other women as stumbling blocks in their lives? How can your criticisms and judgements cause other women to stumble in their faith or hinder their relationship with God?
• Before you offer advice, do you think about how necessary that advice is? Do you weigh the pros and cons of offering the advice? Do you see how there could, in fact, be cons to offering corrective criticism or opinions sometimes?
• Is your judgement of other women, perhaps, based on your own self-doubts?
• Do you feel that you are under condemnation or that you are condemning others?

Romans 8:1-4

• What does God have to say to you about any and all condemnation that you are under, whether warranted or not, whether self-induced or brought by the judgements of others?

Lessons Learned at HC09

We packed up the kids and headed south a week ago for my husband's annual family homecoming in south Georgia. The trip was a long one for us (14+ hrs, one way) and the camping (not my favorite passtime) was, well, chilly and often sleepless. But the trip, as a whole, was a good one and well worth our time. The kids had a great time camping and getting to meet extended, extended family; and I know J enjoyed catching up with his relations and connecting with those southern roots of his. And even my little introverted, high-strung self left Georgia having gained some important insight. You can learn a lot at a famiy gathering.

I learned that there are two major factors that are keeping us from even wanting to ever move south again: 1) gnats and 2) heat. Sorry, Georgia, we love you and your peaches, but it is just not right to have to go around with a black cloud around you like Pigpen, and there is something fundamentally wrong with sweating outside in the middle of an October day. However, in spite of these irritants, you just couldn't beat the life-giving quality of the smiles both young and old -- I learned that a good smile will warm the heart.

I learned on this trip how to stay warm in the tent at night -- two pairs of socks, cozy pants, a long-sleeved tee under a thick hooded sweatshirt (with the hood up) in a warm sleeping bag on your own cot. I also learned that, when forced to freeze your back and hang half-off your cot and pillow all night because your three year old insists on sleeping with you and no one else, great comfort can be found in looking at his little, peaceful, moonlit face nuzzled up against you through those sleepless hours.

I learned that there is no story like an old story. They create a sense of unity and acceptance.

These were the easy lessons. I also learned that prejudices are most often rooted in insecurities. It is easy to look at those who are different from us, those we fear might even be better than us in some way, as wierd or wrong or crazy. I also learned that alcohol can truly be destructive both in the midst of the fun carousing and the morning after. And I learned that being vulnerable with people can sometimes come back around to bite you in the rear end, but that is not necessarily any reason to put up protective walls.

I learned that walking away to calm down when you are angry doesn't always pan out, so you should always have a plan B.

I learned some valuable lessons as a wife and mother through my own personal experiences and by observing and talking with others. I learned that the grass is greener on my side of the fence. There are a lot of reasons to be grateful for the husband I have, and I'm a fool when I don't acknowledge those things to him or myself. And I learned that every sibling bickers, it is a common and expected occurance that few people even look ascance at and most often brings about humerous memories for people. It even carries into adulthood. But sibling rivalry becomes dangerous when unforgiveness and hatred begin to fester.

I learned that, as a mother, it is imperitive to be at peace with your season in life. When you have small children, raise them, and don't let yourself feel guilty for not contributing more to the events and functions at which you gather. You will give when the kids are grown. Most people understand this and expect nothing more from you, and those who think you are lazy are probably not worth worrying about anyway. I also learned that the best way to train children is with stern, short reprimands followed immediately with a confirmation of your love and acceptance of the child who was reprimanded.

But the most important lesson I learned had to do with my relationship with a dependence on God. I've had conversations with my own mother before about the importance of spending time reading and meditating on Scripture and talking and listening to God daily. Without God we can do nothing (Jn. 15:5) and our strength, as Christians, comes exclusively from Him (2 Cor. 12:9-10). It is easy to go to Him to fill up and be strengthened when Bible reading and prayer fits nicely into a routine day, but one must put forth the effort to fit it into those out-of-the-ordinary days that so often throw us off-track. Time with God needs to be prioritized every day because we are to be ready in season and out of season for anything and everything that might come our way (2 Tim. 4:2). It often happens that, just when you least expect it, just when you think you are okay putting God off until tomorrow, something happens that requires all your strength and fortitude, and you find yourself empty and unable to cope as God would have you to. I learned to make time to be filled and refreshed and built up by God *every* day.

Glimpses of Hope

As a mother, I often find myself muttering discouraging words to myself under my breath when going about my daily business with my children -- words like:

• "What am I doing wrong here?"
• "I am failing miserably at this job."
• "These children must be the worst behaved in the entire world."
• "Does anyone, a-n-y-o-n-e listen when words come out of my mouth?"
• "I should just go ahead and give up."

But then, something small and miraculous happens. I stop and watch and listen long enough to catch a glimpse of hope. I happen upon my oldest boy curled up on the sofa reading his baby sister a book. I hear my oldest daughter telling her brother to let the guest pick the movie they will watch. I stop reading aloud long enough to listen to my little guy say, "Jesus love dat guy, and Jesus love dat guy. . . and Jesus love me."

And then I know that it's all okay -- not because of anything I'm doing right -- but because of the grace of God.

Reclaiming Joy

A while back I posted on facebook that I had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed. I listed my circumstances and then went about my day. . . like a person who woke up on the wrong side of the bed would.

Not long after, I read a blog post about making your situation right so that you will be more pleasant to be around. Then, I recently began reading Seasons of a Mother's Heart in which Sally Clarkson does what she does best -- encourages mothers to live a life of joy, peace, and love. One of her first "assignments" for readers is to list the things that are keeping you from experiencing joy, and work on fixing those situations so that you can live in joy as a mother.

I looked back at the circumstances I listed that morning: I had gone to bed too late the night before and woken up too early that morning, the house was a mess, the kids were ravenous and I didn't have anything to feed them that was not going to take considerable time to prepare, I had already had a little spat with J, and I just wanted to get a way for a minute to collect myself a bit.

That list of unfortunate circumstances pretty much sums up the five things that most often keep me from experiencing joy as a mother:

1. Lack of sleep leading to weariness and sometimes exhaustion.
2. Lack of cleanliness and organization in the house.
3. Lack of a well-thought-out menu and stock of food in the house.
4. Lack of peace in my marriage as evidenced by a tendency to argue.
5. Lack of quiet-time to prepare myself or calm myself down in the midst of the stress.

And all five of these things are pretty easy to remedy:

1. Get into bed by 11:00pm, Sunday through Thursday.
2. Find a system, any system, that works to get and keep the house clean and organized. For me, the Sidetracked Home Executives' (fore-runners of the Flylady) material has worked literal wonders.
3. Make a meal plan and stock the kitchen with groceries that will keep the kids well-fed and me sane (still working on this one -- I've got four really good eaters).
4. Commit to not arguing. Just don't do it -- with J, the kids, or anyone else.
5. Guard a daily quiet time, and take the time to get alone for just five minutes when things get really hairy.

So, I've committed myself to slowly making these five remedies to "wrong-side-of-the-beditis" into habits. I'm reclaiming joy -- the joy that should come with the blessings of loving a husband, raising wonderful children, and keeping a cozy home.

All in a Day's Work

While I deep cleaned the bathrooms and bedrooms this morning, Bud-Jack. . .

Managed to get the downstairs bathroom mirror from on the counter behind the sink to face-down on the floor.

He also had that bathroom counter flooded with water and was "cleaning" with a hand towel.

Poured the rest of a container of cleaner out into the upstairs bathroom sink, and was about to fill it with liquid soap.

Doused M&M's crib with spray cleaner.

Also soaked an area of Teeny's bedroom floor.

Opened the basement door and let the cats out into the house.

Opened the back door and let the cats and M&M out into the yard.

Had a cat food snack with M&M.

Dumped out the entire cat box onto the basement floor.

Stripped the guest bed in the basement.

Scattered a hoard of small pinecones all over the basement floor.

Pulled down the new box of laundry detergent, spilling several scoop-fulls on the floor in the process.

While I was deep cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry, Bud-Jack. . .

Escaped out the family room window. . . pantless.

And left the window open for M&M to climb out.

Made himself an Oreo sandwich which was, in fact, an Oreo cookie between two pieces of bread.

Half-ate about three apples.

Why does it seem as if he's getting more done in a day than I am?

On My Mind ~ Crying Babies

From late spring

Wrinkled nose and wide-open, toothy mouth scream and cry for immediate attention. Squinted eyes and angry tears tell me that someone isn't getting their way. Frazzled hair and stomping feet let me know that this little one is a very unhappy.

I see it every day -- really, every-single-day. The angry, crying baby looking up wondering when mommy will give in. I've seen this every day for about seven years.

And I love it. To me, this is beauty.

So I pick up the sweaty, angry little mess at my feet. I wipe the tears, I kiss the forhead, I coo in the little ears, and I give a gentle squeeze to the baby that is mine -- a gift from God.

Care to share a favorite picture? Go to Heart Reflections to share what's on your mind.

What a Weekend

We had quite an interesting weekend, our family did. It was collectively a sort of comedy of errors, really -- a line up of fun and excitement with just enough strange surprises thrown in to keep things interesting and make for some good stories around the reunion table many years down the road.



Friday night we decided to go out for an out-of-the-ordinary dinner at McDonalds after-which J took the boys to a baseball game and the girls and I headed out for some grocery shopping. We meandered around, grabbing another cap-gun (for Teeny) and looking at shoes and such, then collected all the groceries we would need for the week. . . The whole time I had this haunting feeling that I might not have my check card with me, but I kept blowing the idea off. Finally, when I got to the check out counter, I couldn't take it any more. I decided to check my wallet before loading my things on the counter. Good thing. I was missing both my check card and my driver's license. Ugh! So, I went around the store returning things all the while panicing over where I could have lost these cards. I got home and rummaged the house, interrogated my daughter, and then found them on my third check of the kitchen basket.



Saturday we all went back to a camp that J used to work at a few years ago. It was great getting to see old friends. We had so much fun catching up and laughing with everyone. The kids were thrilled to get their faces painted, go on tractor pulls and barrell rides, hikes and walks, to play putt-putt and bouncy house. . . G was especially happy getting to see one of his "best" friends. It all was just so wonderful, we decided to top it the day off with a trip to an old favorite ice cream/fast food shack before leaving town. This particular eatery has a couple different wooden play structures set up for the kids to play on during the visit. I had just found a slightly shaded table, and J had just been handed the kids' three chocolate cones with sprinkles when I heard an agonized Teeny cry. I looked over and saw her holding her mouth. . . I saw blood. . . I figured it was just a mouth injury and casually walked over to get her and bring her to the soothing balm of ice-cream. But when we got to the table and forcibly removed her hands from her face, we saw a huge gash in her chin. There was a collective intake of breath coming from all the surrounding tables. People bagan shaking their heads and offering us napkins and wet wipes. G grossed out and refused to look. After collecting our thoughts we loaded back into the van and attempted to make the two hour drive back home so we could go to our hometown ER; but Teeny was just too uncomfortable, and we couldn't get G to stop crying hysterically in sympathy with her. So we stopped after about half an hour. I stayed in a mini-van with three rambunctious youngins while J held Teeny's hand as she got five stitches, poor thing.

Sunday we went to our church plant's first ever Sunday morning worship service. Hailed for the last month or so as a "practice run", we met at the local YMCA. We were all excited to be there, especially the two older kids who have been wondering when we would start having "morning church" again. We dropped baby and Bud-Jack off at the nursery, and they both seemed fine. Then we went to the work-out room. . . I mean "sanctuary". . . for worship. Now, the kids, unfortunately, have been spoiled by children's church. So they were horribly antsy having to stay in the service (we are not at the "children's church" point with this plant). I was totally unprepared -- had nothing with which to entertain my children -- so I handed G (definitely the antsier) my notebook and pen. He set to work drawing monsters. Then Teeny wanted a pen, so I got up and went out to the car to go hunt one down. When I got back, I found, to my dismay, that the doors to the Y were locked. You could get out but not in. (Closed on Sunday). I took a deep breath, went back to the car, got a good book, and came and sat down outside the door to read and wait for someone to notice I was missing. But no one noticed. Evidently, right after I left to get the pen, the lady in the nursery came and got J because little M&M was in hysterics and wouldn't calm down. He left our two oldest, thinking that I'd be back soon and either come switch out with him or stay in the service. G and Teeny tell me they were "well behaved". I know that a family that we are good friends with came and sat with them when they noticed I hadn't come back -- they assumed I was sick or something. So, I got a good 25-50 pages read out in the fresh summer air, J got to experience nursery duty while explaining to the nursery lady why we homeschool and have so many kids, and the kids managed to sit through church maintaining some semblence of quiet without my intervention.

Makes me wonder what the week holds for me.

Neighbor Watching

We have what we call "the perfect couple" living across the street from us. They seem to have it all together, nay, perfect. Their yard is impecibly kept -- they mow weekly in a perfect pattern, they pick dead leaves and what-not off their lawn daily, their perfectly black-topped driveway is scrubbed with soapy water whenever a work truck tracks some dirt on it. . . They even park perfectly, both man and wife back into their parking spots -- he in the garage, she in her perfectly designanted spot on the far side of the drive.

This seeming perfection does something strange and abhorrant to me. It makes me "neighbor watch" like a bored old lady with nothing to do but check up on people. It is not like I put off my responsibilities for the sake of "neighbor watching", I just casually glance over and check out what's going on over there when I happen by the large window in our living room. Okay, sometimes I sit and watch for a while if there is nothing pressing on my schedule. This "neighbor watching" has revealed interesting things. . . I have come to find that said couple keeps their yard so perfect that they walk their two large dogs into their neighbor's yard to take "potty breaks". I was probably the first to realize that the men who put up their privacy fence were the ones responsible for taking out the cable for the entire neighborhood. And I have figured out that every Saturday, rain or shine, snow or clear skies, there is a steady stream of water coming out from near the garage on down to the street -- every Saturday I spend considerable time meditating on this stream of water, wondering exactly what is going on at the other end of that stream.

I know, it is sick, really. I even neighbor watch other neighbors. I have my kids guffawing when our immediate neighbors are out for their twice weekly mow -- how horrible am I? And right now I am chuckling to myself over another across-the-street neighbor who is greeting the quickly approaching thunder storm with his lawn mower. Seriously, the sky grew ominously gray and the winds began to howl, and he literally ran out of his garage pushing the mower for dear life. He is now in an apparent race against the storm. And I sit and watch amusedly and wonder who will win. . . man or nature?

Why, I wonder, do I sit here and "neighbor watch" like this? Is it envy or self-consciousness that spurs me on? Maybe I just have a wierd sense of humor and entertainment? And, I wonder if they are watching me back? Do they really, as I often imagine they do, watch with disgust as we let our lawn get a full five or six inches before cutting it, leave our trash can on the curb for an entire two days before bringing it in, allow our kids to bring kitchen chairs out to the front yard to assist in the climbing of trees, or leave toys out in the front yard for days on end? Someone must be watching. . . because someone very kindly brought us a new recylcling bin when they noticed we never put one out.

(chuckle)

More about Real Beauty

Real beauty is doing the mundane tasks -- the cooking, cleaning, laundering, homeschooling, dressing. . . -- as to the Lord, as a fragrant sacrifice to Him, as a ministry to my husband and children and all who enter my home. Real beauty is realizing that decor and perennials and outside-the-home ministries. . . are all secondary to the real priorities in my life and allowing myself the freedom to get the priorities squared away at the expense of the secondaries.

Real Beauty

Beauty:

• A solitary weekend retreat to spend time in meditation and prayer.
• A fulfilling and life-changing ministry to people in spiritual, physical, and emotional need.
• An hour or so spent in intercessory prayer daily.

Real Beauty:

• That hour of "quiet" every day during which my children know mommy reads her Bible and prays.
• A fulfilling and life-changing ministry to four beautiful children with very real and very important spiritual, physical, and emotional needs.
• Teaching my children to pray for others.

Beauty:

• Afternoons of fun as a young, childless couple.
• Weekend trips to exciting places.
• Date night almost every night.

Real Beauty:

• Afternoons of fun parenting four adventurous children.
• Weekends of playing at parks, reading children's books, and watching G-rated movies. . . and the occasional family vacation.
• Having the oldest kid ask us to hire a babysitter and go on a date every-once-in-a-while.

Beauty:

• Lovely, new children's clothing.
• "Quality" wood and fabric toys that spur the imagination of young ones.
• Hours and hours of exploring nature together or reading books out loud.

Real Beauty:

• Clothes with holes and stains that show they have been put to good use.
• Sticks and bricks and other backyard finds that have been magically turned into swords, houses, food, babies. . .
• Looking at my kids nature finds and listening to them read books to eachother as I clean or tend to the baby.

Beauty:

• Garden beds about the house.
• Beautifully decorated rooms.
• Gourmet meals.

Real Beauty:

• A haphazard fairy garden that the children have helped design.
• Crayon drawings hanging in every room.
• Homemade pizza and wings on Friday nights.

Beauty:

• A new wardrobe every season.
• A body toned and in kept in shape through an hour of exercise every day.
• Manicured hands, pedicured feet, plucked brows, and styled hair.

Real Beauty:

• Every spot and stain on my shirts that shows that I have kids with messy hands or babies that spit up.
• A belly stretched out by four miraculous blessings, and the daily exercise of picking up babies and chasing kids.
• Dish-pan hands, dirty bare feet, tired eyes after a night of nursing a baby, and the pony tail that the kids like to twist around their fingers.

I want to beautify -- to minsiter, meditate, pray, make love, date, romance, explore, read, provide, garden, decorate, cook, shop, exercise, primp. . . . But right now I have to embrace the real beauty in which I find myself during this season of my life.

Spring Antics

So, each of my little guys greets the warm weather with their own flare. I just sit back on the deck or in the sunroom and watch as they attack the world.

G has a "best friend" down the stream that he seeks to play with daily. Together and apart these two confine a good bit of their play to the stream, making "secret potions" with the water, building dams, and digging for all sorts of water critters. When they aren't busy at this water play, they are practicing every sport from baseball to basketball to tennis and everything in between.

Teeny's favorite outdoor activity is collecting dandelions and any other permissable flower she can get her little hands on. And, being the little fish that she is, she lives for time in the "pool" which is a plastic sandbox bottom that they occasionally fill with water. I seriously need to sign this girl up for swimming. She also loves running around the yard as I turn our hose into a sprinkler for her.

Bud-Jack, well, as usual he has the most unique way of greeting the season. He takes off all his clothes and his diaper and runs around the house and yard naked. I suppose this is his way of thanking the good Lord for warm weather -- a sort of offering of himself. He literally spent all of yesterday naked, despite my many efforts to clothe him. I could discipline his little streaking sprees, but they are what I think may actually get him potty trained; so I rest contented.

And my dear little M&M, who will turn the ripe old age of one next week, is enjoying walking. She walks in the sunroom, she walks on the patio, she walks on the deck, she walks in the grass. And, wherever her little feet take her, she finds something new to explore and perhaps chew on -- rocks, dirt, flowers, grass, kitty cats. . . It must be exciting to be almost one.

But being a mother of young children, I am finding, is also exciting. It is all I can do to get up and get myself cleaning some days. The warm weather and the vision of my kids at play outside constantly tempts me away from my indoor responsibilities. So, I do what absolutely needs to be done and rush outside to join in the fun.

Confessions of a Real Momma ~ Part 1

I was browsing through my pictures the other day, noticing how much "honesty" is wrapped up in a photo. Once something is captured on "film", there is no getting rid of the reality unless you completely delete/tear up the picture. No amount of blurring the backround on Picasa will hide some things. So, I decided to use some of these revealing photos as a prompt to "confession". Here are some of the things that really go on in our house. . .

From confessions

Most days, my kids would rather play in mud than in a pool of clean water. . . so I let them.

From confessions

Each of my kids know how to properly clean off a chicken wing by their first birthday.

From confessions

All my children, save M&M, have already knocked out a tooth or two. G lost his falling face-first on the sidewalk during a game of tag, Teeny lost hers in a race to the bathroom, and Bud-Jack lost two falling off the sofa face-first onto a large basket. We are considering mouth guards or face masks for M&M.

From confessions

Yes, I let my kids sit this close to the TV. Though I've read that sitting close to the TV is not really going to ruin their eyes. . . I guess the amount of TV I sometimes let them watch is the real confession.

From confessions

My kids have almost complete access to my kitchen cabinets. They have always been allowed to pull out the pots and pans and storage containers and play with them or get inside the cabinets and hide away for a while. I even create a lower cabinet of plastic plates, bowls, and cups so that the kids can help set the table. I do, however, place breakables on an upper cabinet. They, at least, are safe until the kids learn to move chairs to get up on counters.

From confessions

I took my kids on a cross-country flight, and this picture pretty much sums up how we all felt toward the end of it. G was 5, Teeny was 3 1/2, Bud-Jack was 1 1/2, and I was a few months pregnant. It was pretty hairy, and I would not have survived had it not been for my gracious mother-in-law. This picture, by the way, was taken during our lay-over in Las Vegas.

From confessions

My oldest has already done time. Just kidding. Actually, my dear husband is slightly obsessed with prisons and has already taken our children to see two or three historic prisons. This picture is at an old prison in West Virginia -- sorry, I don't recall the name of the prison.

From confessions

This is what our neighbors are apt to see if they look out their window on a summer evening. This is our version of a tractor pull.

From confessions

And this is what our neighbors are apt to see if they look over at our yard on any given afternoon. My kids make a bit of a mess of they yard and deck. I'm pretty sure that if any of our neighbors have a difficult time selling their house, they will probably blame us and our trashy yard.

To be continued. . .

The "Beauty" of Boyhood

Picture, if you will, a little boy of almost three. On his bare feet he has a small pair of mud-caked snow boots. His baggy jeans have mud all over the seat. He is wearing a long-sleeved camoflauged shirt. Surrounding his wide gap-toothed smile is chocolate icing that he snuck from the cabinet when his mommy had her back turned. His nose is both runny and crusty all at the same time, and his matted hair is topped with his older brother's big blue and red bike helmet.

Beauty.

Mid-Trip Musings. . .

J has seriously contemplated moving to the beach. Or at least selling our home, buying a less expensive one, and then buying a small cottage down here to live in half the year. We have also craigslisted RVs.

I finished Murder on the Orient Express in just a matter of days. I loved it! I love all the reading I can get done when on vacation. Our first day here I just sat out on a sunny deck reading while the kids soaked in the "hot pool" or watched TV.

G and I have discovered the joy of Mancala. We have been playing together obsessively. I'm thinking we may have to buy the game when we get home.

Teeny is literally obsessed with the "hot pool". Not an hour goes by that she does not ask about going in.

We often ask the kids what they'd like to eat for a given meal. Bud-Jack *always* says, "Hot dogs and chicken wings." A-l-w-a-y-s.

M&M took her first steps!!! And she seems to be attracting attention wherever we go. The Park Ranger at Fort Raleigh NHS referred to her as the "Sunshine and warmth" that a visiting lady said she was missing on this vacation. Isn't it nice when someone complements your children?

You Want a Piece of Me!?

That is what I feel like saying to my four dear children sometimes. It seems they all want a piece of me all the time, all at the same time.

M&M gets me. . . well, almost any time she wants. She nurses and she probably is the one that gets most of my attention right now. I'm sure the others covet her ranking on the "totem pole" of kids here.

Bud-Jack is second in line at this point. He still gets me at nap time, diaper changing time, and in the middle of the night when he crawls into bed with J and I.

G comes next thanks to school. He gets at least an hour of my undivided attention.

Poor Teeny, the one who probably needs one-on-one time with me the most, gets it the least.

Most of the morning, G begged and begged me to go out and play catch with him (he's prepping for T-ball in May -- signed him up today). I finally got around to it this afternoon. We all went outside. G and I played catch while M&M played on the deck, Teeny searched for her friend down the stream and dug in the mud beside me, and Bud-Jack occasionally tried to join in the game but mostly climed on the yet-leafless lilac bushes/trees.

When we came in, Teeny begged and begged to help me make dinner; but first I had to feed the baby her late lunch. While I fed her, Bud-Jack begged and begged, "Baby share! Pease!?". When I offered him his leftover lunch he literally threw it across the table, cried, and forced his way into my lap. He didn't want baby to share her food, he wanted her to share Mommy.

So, after I finished feeding the baby, I took Bud-Jack up to bed and cuddled with him for a while. Then I remembered Teeny and dinner.

I finished up snuggle time with Bud-Jack and went down to make dinner with Teeny -- who, incidentally, got the credit for mixing up the black beans for the meal tonight.

So, what to do? I think M&M is good to go on Mommy time. Bud-Jack will get me at nap time; and if he misses nap time, I'll do some cuddle time with him in the late afternoon/early evening. G will continue to get me at school, but we'll probably keep practicing baseball in the afternoons for the next several months. And, since she seems interested, Teeny will keep helping with dinner prep -- I'll guard that time from the other three -- no one helps but Teeny. I'd also like to start going for evening walks with her so we can have Mommy-daughter talks.

Oh, and then there is J. He gets me after the kids go to bed!

Lenten Realities and Revelations

Every Lent I'm reminded of my own limitations, of my imperfections, of my inability to measure up and my utter need for the grace of God. I'm a weak woman, I am. I am not so disciplined as I'd like to be. I fall through on my commitments, I shout at my kids, I get angry at my husband, and I find a million things to do rather than cleaning the bathrooms.

But, I'm saved by grace through faith. And while even my faith is sometimes faulty, God's grace is always perfect. It is all I need. And so these forty days of coming face to face, once again, with my weaknesses and sin just serve to make the awesomeness of Christ's sacrifice for me that much more meaningful. What would I do had He not come and died on the cross? How would I ever make it if He had not shed His blood to cover my many sins?

I wouldn't. I couldn't

Praise the Lord for His incredible love that He demonstrated on that cross so many years ago. Without it I would be utterly lost and without a hope in the world.

Setting Reasonable Standards in a House Full of Littles

Life is, as you can imagine, more than a little hectic around my house. I have four children, ages 6, 4.5, 2.5, and 10 mos. I homeschool. And, to top it all off, I'm imperfect.

All these things come flying down on me when I look around my house some days. It seems that just as I finish picking up the living room, M&M pulls a shelf or two's worth of books down. When I bring a load of clean, freshly folded towels up to the bathroom, I find that Bud-Jack has filled the sink with Captain Crunch and Crest. While I'm hanging pictures and curtains in the girls room, G is pulling down the curtain rods and disassembling the dresser in his own room. And as I help the boys pick up their toys and clothes, Teeny is in hiding in the next room cutting up her doll clothes. It all just becomes so overwhelming and so discouraging.

That is when I have to remember that this is, truly, just a stage. All my kids have gone through the "pull all the books off the bookshelf" stage; I hardly think a teenager will have any desire to fill the sink with cereal and toothpaste; G merely needs some space and materials to deconstruct and construct in the garage; and Teeny will eventually realise that she likes her things enough to keep them around for a while.

Still, all the positive thinking in the world is not enough to make me feel good about my house on those "special" days. What I always need is a plan of action -- a go-to method -- some small steps that can help keep a minimal semblance of order around here. I have my husband to thank for my three daily to-do's:

1. The first thing on my to-do list is to wash two loads of laundry. This used to be an overwhelming feat, but J simplified my life when he came up with the basket method. He placed four baskets on our laundry room counter: one for me, one for him, one for the boys, and one for the girls. These baskets hold *clean* laundry, not dirty. Twice a day, I unload the dryer into these four baskets, not folding the laundry. This makes getting two loads washed a breeze. Towels and dish rags get folded and set on the ironing board. Once a week, during an free moment, I have a folding fest, and the kids and I spend about 20-30 minutes putting laundry away.
2. The next thing on my to-do list is The S. J came up with The S one day when I was panicing about cleaning the whole house for that evening's dinner guests. He stood in the living room and told me that our adult guests would not venture anywhere beyond the foyer, the half-bath, the living room, and the kitchen. In our house, these rooms form an S shape. So, every day I clean The S first and work to keep these areas looking good.
3. J's third wonderful idea is the hardest to accomplish at this point; but as he finishes school, I believe we'll get more consistent about it. The plan is: J puts the kids to bed at night while I pick up the living room (usually books, dirty clothes, and a coffee cup or two) and clean the kitchen (dinner mess). After we're both done, we sit down together and enjoy our evening together. It is incredible how mood-altering it is to both go to sleep and wake up to a clean living room and kitchen.

I work on these three steps and wait for J to come up with more brilliant ideas. I'm also working through the ideas at Messies Anonymous.

After I get my house in the right order, I can focus on the atmosphere. But part of creating the right atmosphere involves relaxing my standards and giving myself and my family a break. I read a great line at Femina once: "The only thing that absolutely must be organized in my house is my attitude." Isn't that the truth. What is the point of keeping a clean and orderly house if it causes me to nag and berate my husband and family all day and night? What do I or my family gain by a neat, orderly mother/wife who is too busy to read aloud, hunt for worms, play catch, watch a movie, listen to ideas, . . . "go to bed" ; ) ?

Thus Began Lent

Today the older two kids spent some time thinking about what sin they wanted to focus on this Lent. They both chose disobedience, and little Bud-Jack said, "Mm-mm my momma." Which I believe meant that was what he wants to work on too :)

Of course J and I should be picking out a sin to confront over the next 40 days, and our marriage discipleship which began last night is leaving us no real choice but to deal with some anger and communication issues. Our meeting with our new mentors last night went very well, in spite of my reservations. They were both extremely encouraging and said some of the nicest things about J and I and our marriage -- they definitely gave us much more credit then I tend to give us. They have us reading through a book called Uprooting Anger. I'll jot down my thoughts on the book later. At any rate, I really enjoyed taking a trip down memory lane as we both rehashed our "life stories" and talked at length about the history of our marriage. It was interesting to see just how different we are, how differently we grew up, and how different we are from both sets of parents -- and how these differences affect our marriage and family. I'm excited about it all, really.

We get homework assignments, just like in our church small group and men's and women's discipleship. This week we are to begin the book, read Ephesians twice (this lines up with group discipleship), go over with our children how God helps us handle temptation, and do three nice things for eachother that we don't normally do. I think we are also supposed to be doing some journaling of various things like what nice things we end up doing for eachother.

Which reminds me. . . I have the kids keeping track of their Lenten journey on a chart. I was thinking I should start a journal to keep track of mine -- that would put me at four journals (five if you count the blog). So maybe I'll combine the Lent and marriage journals since they seem pretty interconnected anyway. I ramble.

Upcoming Lent and a Few Personal Goals

Lent begins tomorrow, and I've still not completely nailed down how I want it to play out for our family. . . and for me personally. I've sort of committed myself to attempting a slight meat and sugar fast. . . to feed the family more simply for the next 40 or so days. I'm also planning a sort of grid/calendar/chart for each of the three older kids on which they can keep track of days till Easter as well as give themselves stars for good deeds and also focus on a different character trait or Christian discipline each week. But that is about as deep as my plans have gone so far, and I am looking for divine inspiration at this point. Maybe that is the best way to do it, anyway. Especially since we plan to be out of town on a relaxing vacation during Holy Week. Maybe this Lent I will intentionally do a planning fast.

However, I do have some personal goals for March.

1. I'm always re-visiting this particular goal. . . To drink 64+oz. of water a day. When I do it, I feel so much more energized and happy and patient even. When I don't, I'm tired, grumpy and irritable.
2. To completely carve out a stress-free 1 1/2 - 2 hr. quiet time at least every weekday. This time is to be dedicated to reading my Bible, journaling (paper and pen), praying and then reading a book till I fall into a sleep-like stupor. NO COMPUTER! I already do this, to an extent, when the kids are doing their quiet times/naps; but I need to work on just relaxing during this time. . . nothing else.
3. I've been working through A Mother's Rule of Life. . . s - l - o - w - l - y. I'm pretty good with my first P -- Prayer. I'm struggling with my second P -- Person. I think I will probably need a good month to get in the habit of taking better care of myself. So I will be breaking this into mini-goals. Week 1: Begin getting into bed by 11:00pm every weekday night. Week 2: Every morning, after breakfast, get dressed, wash and moisturize face, brush hair and teeth, and put on deoderant. Week 3: Every evening, shower, comb hair, and moisturize. Brush and floss teeth every night before bed. Week 4: Exercise with Teeny (Teeny really likes exercising -- she did not get that from me.) every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday when J gets home. Also: Take every Saturday morning off (so long as family and J's schedule allows) to pamper self, go shopping *alone*, lay in bed and read or nap.

Again, I'm horrible at taking care of myself. I have a really hard time letting go of motherly responsibilities for *any* length of time. This will be a struggle for me, but a struggle I believe the whole family will benefit from.

Now to go begin our Mardi-Gras celebrations. . . and make up some Lent charts.

The Ups and Downs of Having Littles

G has almost memorized all of Luke 2:1-20. We move next to Matthew 28 -- the story of the resurrection. His brand new bottom tooth is coming through already -- a nice big one that he is quite proud of. He has become quite the demolition man, and consequently has had his room cleared of almost everything. . . including the tools that Santa, ahem, brought him for Christmas. He also recently got the inside of his snow boots wet, but insists on wearing them for some reason unknown to me. His one solution to the problem, shoving colored tissue paper into the boots before putting them on, turned his socks a variety of pretty colors. We now refer to the coveted socks as "The Rainbow Socks."

Teeny got a few new shirts recently and has loved every minute of wearing them. She too has become a bit obsessed with her snow boots. Not sure what that is all about. She had a rough day on Friday. First, during a game of hide-and-seek, she climbed half way up a very tall pine tree and couldn't figure out how to get down. Then her younger brother pushed a piece of wood over on her and cut her head. She topped it off by biting her tongue. Yet she didn't once scream as loud as she does when G makes a funny noise that annoys her.

Bud-Jack is as cute as can be. He is a big Indiana Jones fan and most often tries to get himself out of trouble by saying cute things like, "Nope. Me Jone. Dis me whip.", "Dis me gun. Han up. Pakew, pakew.", or singing the Indiana Jones theme song while running around in circles. Such cuteness even softened J's heart the other day when Little "Doc Jone" took his "whip" (a belt) and whipped our flat-screen TV, cracking the screen and ruining the picture.

M&M has become even more personable in the last few days. She has taken to talking very aggressively and excitedly if you will talk back. She has also developed a very hearty laugh that takes her daddy by surprise sometimes. And there is also her cute little sideways glances that melt our hearts too. I really need to get some new pics of her because no description can do her justice. And this I remember when she wakes up early in the morning, just before sunrise, and decides she is going to have a hard time going back to sleep.

Kids are a handful. They try my patience like nothing else in the world. But God made 'em cute for that very reason. No matter how much sleep they cost me or how many TVs they break, I'll never stop loving their little unique selves; and I know I'll miss these days like crazy when they grow up.