Filling My Home with Love ~ Philippians 2:1-11

As I stated a couple weeks ago, I have decided to make our family's "theme" for the year "Unity -- We are all on the same team." I've been musing the past couple weeks about exactly how to go about creating an atmosphere of unity in the home and have come up with the above catch-phrase and a few ideas. Imagine my delight when I opened up my Bible to do some further study on unconditional love and found Philippians 2:1-11.

In these verses we find Paul addressing the need for unity in the body of Christ (vs. 2). A unity that is both the result and demonstration of unconditional, Christ-like love. A unity that can only come about when we are ready and willing to lay down our own interests and wants for the interests of others.

Many of us think we have selflessness decently wrapped up. I don't, for example, consider myself a self-centered person. But the selflessness described in Philippians 2:3 & 4 goes pretty deep.

Paul tells us not to do *anything* out for our own selfish motives. Do I clean, read to my kids, plan outings and traditions for the family, and even kiss my husband for the benefit of my kids and husband; or do I do these seemingly selfless tasks for my own peace of mind or in order to receive thanks or recognition from someone (anyone). Do I make plans for the family that suit my desires and interests, or do I look to put my wants aside and plan for what others would like to do? Paul suggests that we look at ourselves as less-deserving than others and to look to the interests and desires of others above our own. This is where I struggle. "Why shouldn't we watch the movie I want, go eat where I want, spend the weekend as I'd like. . . I'm every bit as important as J and the kids. My wants and desires and interests matter just as much as theirs do." But this type of thinking leads only to a self-serving attitude and a breakdown of family unity. My husband and kids are to more important to me than even myself, so their interests and desires come first.

Some may scoff at this idea. "Surely it is unhealthy to put my own desires and interests aside like that. God made me who I am, and I should cultivate these interests that He put inside me." Well, maybe; but according to Philippians 2:5-8 we are to have the same mind and attitude as Christ had when it came to these things. Christ was God -- He knew He was God, living in the glory of heaven, surrounded by the praise and adoration of the angels. He had it all. He couldn't even have a desire because their was nothing left for Him to desire. . . Except for unity with us dirty little humans. And for that He shed it all. He put off the glory of being God, He left the riches of heaven, He made Himself man in the lowest form possible. He humbled Himself to become lower than us so that He could serve us. He humbled Himself by sacrificing all the glory of heaven. . . and then He sacrificed even more. And this is the example we are to follow.

We're not told to keep a clean house so that we can sit on our sofa and feel good and comfy. We're not told to cook a good meal or choose the resturant of our choosing so we can have food we like or in order to avoid food we don't like. We're not told to sit down with our favorite book, magazine, blog, or tv show for our rest and entertainment. We're not told to plan our weekends so that we can pursue our God-given interests and hobbies. We're not told to arrange our holidays and vacations so that we can run the show in a way that seems most fitting to us or in a way that benefits us most. Even our birthdays are not our own, really.

No, we are told to give. To get over ourselves and make it all about others.

That is tough, but the result is well worth it.

For Jesus' humility, He received exaltation, acknowldgement, and praise. For our humility, we will get the real reward: unity with our family. Could you really want more?

Unconditional Love in Marriage ~ Philippians 1

I, like many other women, often get so caught up in my responsibilities as a mother and homemaker, that I neglect my duties as a wife. While my children should be of great importance to me, the fact of the matter is that, after God, my husband is to be my top priority. Unfortunately, sometimes, because I get so focused on my children, he becomes nothing more than an irritation and another responsibility. This is horribly wrong and unhealthy. I am to focus on my love for husband, not ignore it and become irritated by him.

Philippians 1 has absolutely nothing to do with marriage. In verses 1-11, however, Paul is talking to the Philippians about his love for them and how it affects his thoughts, prayers. . . he also addresses their love and how it ought to affect their decisions and actions. With these verses, I compiled a list of six questions to ask myself on a regular basis to keep myself in check as I seek to show unconditional love to my husband.

1. Do I thank God every time I think of my husband? (vs. 3)
2. Do I constantly pray for my husband. . . with joy? (vs. 4)
3. Do I get irritated with his shortcomings? Or do I choose to love him unconditionally, knowing that God will change and grow my husband over time? (vs. 6)
4. Do I long for my husband? (vs. 8)
5. Does my love for my husband overflow to the point of bearing on all my decisions? (vs. 9)
6. Do I speak affectionately to my husband? (vs. 12)

Filling My Home with Love ~ Ephesians 4:1-16

Unconditional love is the sign of a healthy, growing, unified, Christ-centered family. It testifies to the importance of Christ in the home, it leads to healthy growth of the family and the family members, and it unifies the family members into a well-funcitoning family unit. This, above all else, is why I want to fill my home with unconditional love -- why I want to teach my children to love eachother unconditionally and show them and my husband that same kind of love.

As Christians, we have been called to receive the love of God and to love Him back by showing that love to others. We do this by being humble, gentle, and patient with others. These attributes are best seen, in every relationship, but especially in the home, when we go out of our way to maintain an atmosphere of peace and unity with others. That means that we humble ourselves for the sake of curtailing an argument or fight. We respond with gentleness to others' harshness or hysterics. We put up with the shortcomings of others with *much* patience. All this so that we can have peace and unity and unconditional love in our homes. (vs. 1-3)

This is so much more difficult in practice than it is in writing. When it comes right down to it, when someone is angry, accusitory, over-reactive, or even just irritating, our nature is to bite back. But this only breaks down the home, the family, and the family members. As Christians, we are in a growing process. And while this is difficult, we must realize that slowly, we must be changing the way we react to provocation. We must stop reacting like children, and begin speaking the truth in unconditional love as Christ does to us (vs. 15).

When we react to others with humility, gentleness, patience, and kind and loving and true words, we build up our home and our family and our family members. We grow personally and encourage growth in others. (vs. 16) Most importantly, we show the unconditional love of Christ to our family and fill our homes with love.

Filling My Home with Love ~ 2 Corithians 8

Here we have a passage of Scripture that is most commonly used in stewardship messages (believe me, I would know). But I think there is a good underlying message here that can be applied to the home and family. Generosity is proof of the genuineness of one's love for others (vs. 8 & 24).

So, I ask myself, "Just how generous am I with my family? What do I have an "abundance" of that I can share with my husband and children?"

1. First, as a stay-at-home mom, I have an abundance of time. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty to do; and sometimes it seems as if there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done. However, I do not have to leave my home and family for 8+ hours every day. That is 8+ hours that I have that some women are not blessed with. That is 8+ hours that I have that J does not. What I decide to do with those 8+ hours says a lot about the genuiness of my love for my family. What do I give those hours to? Do I give them to my house, to my hobbies, to the computer? Or do I give them to the tasks that my husband feels are most important, to my children's hobbies and pass-times, to showing love to my family?
2. I may not be the most gifted mom around -- I'm not a sewer, crafter, or gardener. . . But God has blessed me with the ability to cook and bake well and to come up with creative ideas and to write. How I use those God-given gifts also speaks to the genuiness of my love for my family. Do I cook and bake to please myself or do I make what my husband and children love most? Do I allow the kids to help in the kitchen; do I take the time to teach them and share this love with them? Do I become a slave to my creative ideas and enslave my family under the heavy bondage of "plans"? Or do I allow my creativity to serve the family, making loose, flexible plans that the kids can enjoy and that J can change if he feels necessary? Do I spend too much time writing on this blog while neglecting home duties and my children's pleas for my attention? Or do I fit in my writing around their schedules and also prioritize time to write journals for them or love notes for J?
3. God has also blessed our family. We are by no means wealthy, but we have more than enough money to meet our needs. How do I spend that money? How do I budget out the household allowance? I don't think I spend the money unwisely, but I think it is wise to sit and ponder how the money is being spent. Am I ignoring advice from my husband about where and how to spend the money? Am I making sure that I am spending on things that will nurture and grow my children?

While it is important to share with my family what I have in abundance, it is also important to receive from them what they have in abundance. So, "What do I lack that I can allow my husband and children to share with me?"

1. I lack sleep -- no doubt about it. How great would it be to allow my husband to provide me with more sleep? It would make him feel great if I would just give him a solid suggestion as to how to ensure that I get more sleep. I know, based on conversation, that it is a need he wants to fill for me but just doesn't know how. It is a way that he could enjoy showing me just how much he loves me.
2. I lack confidence, boldness, and courage. They are just not part of my natural make-up. J, however is very confident, bold, and courageous. Often times these qualities make me embarassed. . . because of how lacking they are in my personality. If I could learn to find peace and rest in these qualities of his, J, in turn, would experience the joy of proving his love for me through his confidence.
3. I lack childlikeness. It slowly vanishes as I grow older. And, of course, my children have it in abundance. How they long to share their child-like whims and fancies and loves with me. So often I ignore or put off their requests to share these with me. I tell them that I have to do the dishes or the laundry first or I tell them that mommy is too tired to play. . . But they would experience the joy of showing love to me if I would allow them, and I would probably feel suddenly energized if I would only allow them to share their child-like energy with me.

As I seek to follow the commands of Christ and ask God to fill me with unconditional love for my family . . . and as I seek to put together the entire puzzle of unconditional love . . . leaving no piece out to the side . . . I will also seek to generously give to my family out of my abundance of time, talents, and money . . . and I will seek to receive generously of my family's abundance of sleep and rest, confidence and courage, and childlikeness.

Filling My Home with Love ~ 1 Corinthians 13

Of course, 1 Corinthians 13 is known as "the love chapter" of the Bible. I believe this chapter points out the importance and depth of love. It simplifies life down to "love" but does not hide how complicated love is.

In verses 1-3 we see just how important love is. As a wife and mother, for instance, I can say all the right things to my husband and children in the sweetest, kindest voice but if I don't have unconditional love for them, my words mean nothing. I can read all the best marriage and parenting books and know all the right ways to be married and to parent children, but if I lack unconditional love, all that is worthless. And I can sacrifice all my desires, "rights" and needs for the sake of my family, but if I don't do it out of unconditional love, my sacrifices are in vain.

So, if love isn't watching what I say, knowing how to be a good wife and mother, and sacrificing for the sake of my family, then what in the world is it? It is the complete puzzle (vs.4-8). It is being patient with my husband and children all the time. It is showing kindness to them when they are not showing kindness to me. It is choosing not to get jealous when my husband goes out to eat at a fancy resturant for work. It is not telling him that I have figured out how to deal with a particular situations with the kids, but he has no idea. It is not tossing my head in disdain to any of his ideas. It is politely listening to my children every time the talk to me. . . unless I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone else, in which case I teach them to be polite and wait. It is not insisting that the birthday party be done my way or that the day go according to my schedule. It is realizing that it is not okay to "be irritable" no matter how little sleep I've gotten. It is not resenting my husband for how much sleep he has gotten. It is not laughing when my children are naughty -- even when it is cute. It is taking the time to notice and praise them when they do the right thing. It is bearing all the sickness, heartache, changes, and struggles that come along with being part of a family -- bearing them with the right attitude. It is believing that, with God, all things will work out for the good of my family. It is hoping with my husband and children for all their dreams. It is enduring this particularly physically exhausting season of our family. It is never ceasing to do all these things things together all the time. It is making sure I have the love puzzle completely put together -- no missing pieces.

It is interesting. . . when we were going over the fruits with the kids, J and I were discussing how we thought self-control was the most important of all the fruits. If you have self-control, you can excell in all the other fruits; if you don't, you will struggle to bear fruit. 1 Corinthians 13 paints a different picture, doesn't it? Sure, I can have self-control and every other fruit of the Spirit; but if I don't have unconditional love, none of those other fruits matter. "The greatest of these is love" (vs. 13).

Filling Our Home with Love ~ John 15:1-17

While the fruit of the Spirit are listed in Galatians 5, I believe that the foundation of Spiritual fruit is found in John 15. This is where Jesus sets up the analogy of Himself as the Vine and us (Christians) as the branches that ought to be bearing much fruit. But, He makes it very clear that we don't just bear fruit of our own will. Much like salvation, this comes from the Lord alone. Without Christ we can do nothing (vs.5).

I have read this passage of Scripture to my kids several times and have impressed on them that the most important words in the passage are, "abide in Me." Jesus uses this phrase five times in verses 4-7 and then uses the phrase, "abide in My love" twice in verses 9 and 10. We are to abide in Christ by keeping His commands (vs. 10), in short, by loving the Lord with every part of our being and loving others as we love ourselves (Mt. 22:37-39). Jesus promises that when we abide in Him in this way, when we pray and ask God to help us to bear more fruit, He will (vs.7).

In order to fill my home with love, I must be abiding in Christ, seeking to love the Lord and love others in all I do. When I set to work to do this, and couple it with prayer that God will help me to show my husband and children unconditional love, He will fill me with His love till it flows out all over my home. Isn't that exciting! And simple!

In verse 12, however, Jesus begins giving us more practical applications of how to love others -- how to show this unconditional love to others. He begins by instructing us to love others as He loves us (unconditionally) and explains in verse 13 that we do this by laying down our lives (our wants, our "rights", and even our needs) for the sake of others. We can also do this by sharing with others what the Lord is teaching us and what He is doing in our lives (vs. 15). And, just to wrap it all neatly back around, we show Christ-like unconditional love by heeding Christ's commands to abide in Him and love others as He loves us (vs. 17). Again, so simple.

So, as I seek to fill my home with the fruit of unconditional love, I begin willingly putting my desires, my supposed "rights", and even my needs on the backburner when my husband or children need me. That translates into opting for Cincinnati chili when I really wanted spaghetti and meatballs, listening with patience when a little one barges into the bathroom to tell me a story, and gently kissing that crying baby in the middle of the night when I am so exhausted that I feel like breaking down and crying too.

Next, I take every opportunity to share with my husband and children what God is doing in my life. I tear down the walls of self-protection and reveal my weaknesses -- where God is at work in me. By doing this, I free them to share back without fear of condemnation.

And, lastly, I simply make every effort ot abide in Christ and His love, and to show that love to my family. Then I pray and watch God work.

Filling Our Home with Love

Over the week and a half between Ascention Thursday and the Feast of Pentecost, the kids and I studied each of the nine fruits of the Spirit. Over those nine days I came under great conviction. I even asked J at the end of an especially difficult day, "Do I have any of these?". To which he reminded me that, because I am a Christian, the Lord is growing these fruits in me. . . even though sometimes I don't display them as I ought.

I started thinking how great it would be -- what a difference it would make in my home -- if I made a more concerted effort to bear these fruits more abundantly in my life and in my home and to instill them in my children and to encourage my husband in bearing them as well. I think our home would take on a completely different feel.

So, I've decided to go through a fruit a month -- this month is love.

The first thing worth pointing out is that the love referred to in the list of the fruits of the Spirit is not Eros or Philio, but Agape -- unconditional -- love. Eros is certainly important in a marriage, and Philio is important in any home; but both of these loves are, I believe, very feelings-based -- they are the easier loves. I need to fill my home with Agape -- unconditional -- love. This is the love that shows itself even when someone is shouting at you because their dress shirt is wrinkled or dirty or their keys are missing and they are late for work. This love shows itself even when someone knocks a hole in their wall with a hammer, lies about smuggling chocolate chips, plasters your kitchen with shortening, or keeps you up with their crying all - night - long. This is what I want to fill my home with.

And it strikes me that the most important part of this is that I show this love to my husband and children every second of every day -- good and bad. That they see my unconditional love for them. Then I move on to phase two -- teaching them what unconditional love is and how important it is to fill our home with it.